People Boot Camp
My mother has always been an inspiration to me. Over the years, I have watched her continuously help and encourage family, friends and people in the community. On many occasions, I remember hearing her encourage and pray for hurting loved ones behind the closed door of our living room. I've watched her give stern yet loving words of advice to people in trouble. She was always sure to deliver warm meals of love to the sick or bereaved....I wanted to be just like her. Helping others became my passion.
My husband jokes me all the time about my unusual need to help people. He's always saying, "I ain't never seen a person that gets depressed when they can't help someone." To be honest, he's not exaggerating either. I feel incomplete when I can't lend a helping hand or when someone refuses my offer to help. Over the past few months, I have been working to master this God given call. But it's hard. In the past few years, I have been through something I like to call, People Boot Camp. This has probably been the hardest of all of the tests I've ever had to face in life, not because of the rejection from man but because of the rejection from other Christians. I didn't realize how scarred or hurt I was until I had already spiraled into depression. I cried a lot, couldn't sleep, I began to lose my hair and the headaches were relentless.
Without a doubt, I know that my husband and I have been called to work for the kingdom of God. But when you are in a state where those who have rule over you are working hard to stifle your call, you began to suffocate. There was a time when we didn't feel loved or accepted. We had hoped that our lives and works would speak for themselves....but it never did (or so it seemed). The silence of a never ringing phone can be just as deafening as the inability to hear. If you are not growing spiritually, the voice of satan will come and speak words of demise into you. You began to lose your self worth. You question your purpose and you consider giving up. Chances of survival when you are in a place of stagnancy are zero and we were about to flat line...but God.
My husband and I have been through financially, spiritually and physically. GO Ministries has lost members left and right. Obtaining donations for our ministry has become a constant challenge. The attacks against us began to place our children in a state of isolation. They began to long for fellowship with others as well. I began to wonder if God was mad at us for something. So I started to question myself. Search myself. I was petrified at the thought of being out of the will of God. I felt like everything should be falling INTO place not apart. But then I read in John 6:66 where Jesus was teaching and his sermon seemed so confusing that some of his disciples left him and followed him no more. Yesterday, my pastor taught on the Theology of Two Sticks and he reminded me of the widow woman and how she was gathering sticks so that she and her son could eat their last meal and die. But then God sent Elijah the prophet and even though she was already at the bottom of the barrel, she gave him of what she had and God blessed her. Last week, I was reading about Stephen and how he asked God to forgive the people while they were stoning him to death. I was blessed by his love for the people inspite of.
A few weeks ago, I told my husband that I had absolutely no intent of becoming friends with anyone at Victory Tabernacle where we now attend. My mission was to go, enjoy the word, hug with love and leave in silence. But how many of you know that love conquers all things. The ladies from church have been so warm inspite of my silence and distance. Yesterday, after church, one of the sisters saw me in the hall and said, "Hey Bridgett, I've been looking all over for you." And then she asked me to speak at the next women's fellowship. I was in awe. She saw something in me that I had lost the ability to see in myself. For the first time, Travis and I are being recognized as two people in ministry, not as two people in the "producing plays" business.
Romans 5:3-4 tells us that we are to glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations worketh patience, and patience, experience and experience hope. I am learning to appreciate this scripture more and more each day. God's word is a hard core reminder of how the disciples constantly shook the dust from their feet anytime they were rejected. I must remember that Jesus was rejected by his own and blessed are we anytime we are persecuted for his name's sake. I am excited because the innumerable amount of persecution and rejection has only increased our bank account of God's blessings. I don't know if I will ever graduate from People Boot Camp because there are lessons to be learned everyday. However, I am learning to trust again, to love inspite of and truly forgive. I hold no hard feelings against those who tried to beat us down. And I am thankful for being in a place growth, warmth and love....
From My Heart to Yours
B
